When first reading about Allie's death I was shocked. I immediately felt sorry for Holden and could tell what a toll it took on him. He loved Allie and that was very apparent. Instead of hating Allie for being very smart and getting a lot of attention for being such a good kid he loved it. He admired his little brother and was so proud of him. "But it wasn't just that he was the most intelligent member in the family. He was also the nicest, in lots of ways. (Salinger 38)" When Holden was talking about him I couldn't help but have knots and pangs in my stomach. I just felt so bad for Holden and what he had to go through.
After finding out about this death I viewed Holden differently. I started to understand why he acts the way he does and why he is going through such a hard time in his life. I know this is not the only reason for his behavior but it is definitely a contributing factor. I think that this could be a reason Holden doesn't put effort into building relationships with people. He could believe that getting close to someone will possibly end up in tragedy and his heart breaking for a second time.
I can relate to Holden through the experience I'm going through right now. When finding out NU might close my first reaction was to get angry just as Holdens was, "...I broke all the windows in he garage. (Salinger 39)" The the anger slowly turned into sadness. Then I had felt depressed all the time, with no motivation to do anything. As time goes on I am able to come to the realization that it might shut down and to accept that going to another school is a possibility. I haven't given up hope but have simply realized that both options are possible. Grief is something that you take with you but dissipates over time. I believe that someday Holden will be able look back and appreciate Allie without get angry or sad.
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